Life altering decisions

This week has faced me with some life changing decisions. Should I switch careers or not? Yes, my degree is in travel and I am working in my field but I have learned that I am not cut out for this field. I need more of a challenge in life. Right now my hardest decision every day is facebook or myspace. So it has be thinking about my next move. Do I stay where I am and continue school? If I do that do I really want to be a teacher or should I look into other majors. Or, the new opportunity that I am faced with, do I go into the insurance business? Yes, I have a lead on a job getting into the insurance business. Not just any insurance agency, my current employers biggest rival. Do I take this on and burn the bridges with Williams? Am I cut out for insurance? A year from now am I going to be asking myself these same questions?

Then we are also faced with what we want to do about having a baby. If Dan goes to the State Police the academy will most likely start in February and would go to August. If we get pregnant between now and the end of October he will be in the academy for the birth of our baby. However, the start date is not set in stone and he may not go until September he will not know when he is going until 3 weeks before it starts. So it is a gamble. Nobody is saying we will even get pregnant between now and October and with all the trouble we are having do we keep trying and work it out when the time comes or do we wait until November to continue to try? Or do we wait until the academy is behind us? I feel that if anything I rather be pregnant when he is away then have the baby or be raising our baby without him. I know it would really bother Dan if he missed out on the birth or any time with our child. It is a tough call that we need to continue to talk and pray about.

Well that was fun

Went to the Dr. today for my ultrasound. They said everything looked good with my ovaries that the meds didn't destroy them this month so there was no problem in getting the Clomid doubled. I will be taking 100mg this month and still be taking the provera to bring on my period (will start that tonight) He did say that my progesterone level was very low,it was a .2 and needs to be at least a 5 to ovulate. He still made me have blood drawn just to make 100% sure I'm not pregnant. That was not fun at all. I have horrible veins, the girl poked me 3 times then told me to go grab something to eat and drink and come back. I came back after Dan and I grabbed lunch at Leonardo's and a different girl poked 3 times. Yes, 6 holes in one arm. All to confirm the already known. Someday this will all be worth it. So today we start a whole new month of everything. Hopefully this will be our cycle.

Oh the greatest part of this all is running into friends at the gyno that are expecting and they don't have a clue what we are doing there. Of course they think we are pregnant. Oh well.

Discouraged

Well I had blood work done yesterday to see if I ovulated this month. Today the Dr. called and confirmed the worse; No, I did not ovulate this month. I really didn't expect to on the first month but still was hopeful. I hope that upping the dosage will be our ticket next month. Of course I am disappointed and feeling discouraged, it is hard not to be. Next Thursday we still go in for the ultrasound to see how my ovaries took to the meds and get prescriptions for next month. I think this would all set with me a little better if I would at least ovulated even if I did not get pregnant this month. I am so tired of hearing "Your still young, you have time. It will happen when it is suppose to happen." I do believe that everything happens for a reason and God will grant us this blessing in his time but I don't want to hear that right now. It doesn't help or make any of this easier.

Here's to the next cycle...bring on the BIG FAT POSITIVE!!!!!!

Nobody said this would be easy

I know that I am still on my first round of drugs but it can be so frustrating. The more time that passes the more people we find out are expecting. As happy as I want to be (and I really am happy for my friends and family that are expecting) for these people it is so hard. None of these recent pregnancies have been planned babies which makes it even harder. Here we are planning our every month with pills, sex, blood work, ultrasounds and Dr. visits just so we can have a baby and it comes so easy for everyone around us. I know that we are just gearing up for what is to come and eventually someday it will happen but in the meantime I can't help but deal with all of these emotions. It has been a roller coaster of tears and frustration. In a way, this has made the already strong bond with Dan even stronger he has really showed me how supportive and wonderful he is. I can see the disappointment and frustration in his eyes when I am upset and sad, it is kind of a relief knowing that he shares my emotions and that I am not in this alone. He is really cute talking about the future with our children and making plans for us. I know he wants this as bad as I do and he has been so strong for me. Our time will come.