Bring on the hormones

Well, I start Clomid tomorrow which means a few weeks of blood, sweat and tears. Literally, the stuff makes me a train wreck. Crying for no reason, the cramps, hot flashes, night sweats it is a brief window to menopause that's for sure. How can something so powerful be okay to take, I have to wonder. As mentioned a thousand times before; I know this will all be worth it someday, as long as someday is soon. I don't think I am ready yet for the next step. What if the clomid doesn't work ever? Can I really go through the more abrasive procedures? After this (now this is all based on assumptions) I am pretty sure there isn't any hope to conceive naturally. The doctor will be the middle man. How freaking romantic. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how all this factors in with God. I need to do some more research on this but are we sinning if we have to have a 3rd party get us pregnant? Does this mean being a parent is not our purpose? I had to visions in my life that have never changed. Getting married to an amazing man (check) and having a family with that man. Does God want us to adopt? What is He trying to tell us? I need some guidance with this and I need to find out where I stand before I can decide to move on with IUI's of IVF's. Will this really change our mind? I mean this technology today is not just for non believers, right? Okay, I really need to stop thinking. We have talked to our Sunday School teacher about some of these issues. He has agreed to sit down and talk to us and hopefully shed some light on all these questions. He is a great guy and has suffered in his own ways. Four years ago his wife went into labor at 4 1/2 months and they lost their sweet little Breael. They had 22 minutes with her before she was called home. I can't even imagine going through the loss of a child. They are very strong and I feel blessed that we have met them.

I have been stressed out this week with different situations I have encountered. I am really ready for the weekend. I have Saturday off and we are going to a wedding. Tuesday is our 2 year anniversary and Dan and I both took the day off. We are really looking forward to spending the day together. Not sure what we are going to do but it doesn't matter I am just excited to have a whole day with Dan. These two years have flown by and have been by far the best two years of my life. We have a good, strong foundation for our marriage and we can get through anything together.