Stay away from the sad.

I was reminded last night why I hate taking clomid. I kept thinking that last month I was not as near as emotional I was able to keep it together. Then, I figured out that I was in the hospital when I was on clomid and having a million different IV bags going through my blood it must have watered down the clomid, ergo no ovulation. Dan brought that up to me and all I can think about is how frustrated and bored I was in the hospital compared to this month when I am doing my normal schedule. I didn't break down once during my little vacation to UMPC 337 which is amazing seeing that I lost all control last night watching Season 1 of the OC with Dan. If you are a OC follower this was the episode where Julie and Caleb got married and Ryan was leaving Newport to take care of Theresa and the pregnancy. I cried, the whole way through it, beginning to end. Not just tears, like the snotty, can't breath, little whimpers type of break down. The best way to describe how I was feeling was like I just lost a loved one. I have been there before and felt that emotion and it was so similar. Once I settled down, (Dan of course kept his cool, just held me, played with my hair and just let me go) I just kept saying I can't be doing this every month. I can't keep feeling like I am going through the worst imaginable depression 2-2 1/2 weeks a month. I can't keep crying on que. The question really is will I keep doing this? Yes, of course. Without clomid, no ovulation. No ovulation, no babies. This is the 5th month of clomid which means I am more than half way done with this. I have survived this far and I don't just quit. So, I have decided my only hope in living a semi-stable life the next few weeks is to stay away from the sad, or the really happy (yes I cry the same way when happy, whimpers and all) so I guess stay away from the extreme.