Funny How Things Work Out

I have been really bumming about my job situation recently. As I have mentioned in previous blogs I really want to get through my schooling but was in a huge catch 22. If I go to school full time I lose my insurance. No insurance=no baby. If I keep my job so we have insurance I am not going to get through school and am going to unhappy. Dan talked to his HR people about getting insurance through them which we did once before but at that time his company was not paying anything into them and the cost was outrageous. They have changed the way they do the insurance and now they pay 80% per family (which is what my company does) and it is the same company but a better plan. Infertility is still covered which is awesome and this includes eye coverage which mine does not. Also, no deductible. Doesn't get much better. So starting November 1st we will switch insurance policies and I will most likely (if I can get everything worked out with school) put my notice in at work and quit in January in time for the new semester to start. I am so excited. I finally feel like I can get a game plan in motion. Maybe I am working my way out of my rut.

In baby news we have our ultrasound scheduled for Thursday morning. Another month is approaching an end. I must say that I am not as optimistic this month as I was last. I have pretty much counted us out at this point. Too much happened with me being in the hospital and everything that I will be shocked if I actually am pregnant this month. We will see. I guess time will tell.

Here, There and Everywhere

Dan and I had a wonderful day together yesterday. We went to Robinson for the day for my 6 month ring inspection and cleaning. Because, he went to Jared and that is there policy so that if I ever lose the stone they will replace it. Also, since it is white gold they re-plate it every 6 months so they look brand spanking new!! We also shopped around trying to get Christmas ideas for our families and furniture shopped for ourselves. We found a great living room set (coffee table, end tables etc.) but we can't decide on a couch. We are ready to buy new stuff now and not have a mis-matched hodge podge of crap anymore. And after we came home and looked this stuff up online we found out that we can get it up here at a local furniture store!! Bonus! Now, I guess a couch will come in time.



The downfall to yesterday was PREGNANT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!! This made things hard. We want to be parents so badly it really hurts to see swarms of happy pregnant people or new parents. I am not a jealous person but this is getting out of control. It is wearing on Dan as well. He kept saying things like, "Why is everyone having a baby but us." "This is really making me sad that it is taking us so much work to have a baby and so many people we know it comes so easy for." But, of course we decided to torture ourselves and go in Baby Gap and look at baby cloths and look at baby furniture. That stuff used to be fun and exciting now it is just so depressing. Like.its.never.going.to.happen. UGH. I am not nearly as optimistic this month as I was last. Every time I say something like, "This is just never going to happen for us." Dan keeps reminding me that it won't with my attitude the way it is. LOL. Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer.

Back to work!

Well, yesterday I got cleared by the doctor to come back to work. So here I am. Sitting at my desk looks like I didn't even miss a thing. (Hence I am blogging and not going through sky high stacks of notes) It seems like the boss was a little annoyed at the fact I was out for a week; four of those working days in the hospital. They were on vacation when everything happened and they asked if I was feeling better in a kind of annoyed tone and moved on about their day. I mean come on, I am not wanting sympathy or a big fuss made but you can be pleasant. Dan's work sent me flowers for goodness sake, I'm sure my boss can at least put a smile on her face and say nice to have you back. Oh well. Maybe my true tone is coming out that I need a change and find a new job. I am in the best mood today with the exception of these crazies. Don't get me wrong, a few of my co-workers were excited to see me and told me how much better I looked and one even told me it looks like I lost weight. Which, yes I have lost 8 pounds since going into the hospital. Not sure how I managed that I ate ice cream 2 times a day and for dinner Dan and my parents brought me pizza, subs and Arby's. I'm thrilled!!!

In other news I healed up just in time for sex-a-pulozza!!! Yay for me and well, Dan too. Now that this crazy sickness is over lets make a baby!!! This will be our month. (I still hold hope)

Hard work

I am tired of having to work so hard for everything. Nothing in our life has been easy. We can't have a child without medication and tons of planning; we have to work so hard for everything that we have. It is so hard to watch people breeze through life; where's their tough breaks? We have plans, big plans for our future. I feel so judged sometimes because we choose to rent instead of buy; why you ask because we are not sure where we want to settle and won't until we know what path Dan is going to take with his flying. It is not a money factor at all. We have so much debt due to Dan being in an expensive career and you have to put out a lot of money to move forward and we have all of my school loans for the past 6 years. Throw that together with two car payments we don't have much wiggle room. We are comfortable don't get me wrong but some months we have to be cautious. My family frowns at the fact that I am working two jobs. The only reason I am doing this is to better my family. To pay off our debt a little faster. Dan works late so why not contribute a little more. I feel so stuck sometimes in life not knowing what I want to do and not having the time to do it. I would love more than anything to get a new job or just work nights so I can go to school full time. I can't quit my job now because I carry our health insurance which this past week is a testimony to the need for insurance.

Am I jealous of those who breeze through life. Heck no. I am a firm believer that when you work hard for something you appreciate it so much more in the end. I would rather be poor and happy with my life than rich and miserable. Dan living out his dreams is so much more important then bringing home 6 digits a year. Plus, I know that all this hard work will pay off and eventually we will have something to show for it. Rant over.

One Rough Week

This past week has been a mess. On Labor Day I went floating down the river with a good friend of mine. This was the most relaxing, enjoyable day of the whole summer (minus the terrible sunburn that I got.) She made countless comments about how relaxed and happy I looked. Well, as mentioned I got extremely sun burnt on the river. A few days had passed and I began to peel a little bit but this spot on my forehead was starting to puss and blister. I just thought that my forehead took the brunt of the sun and was more damaged than the rest of my body. Well by Friday the right side of my face was in so much pain and my face around my ear was so swollen. By Saturday it was 10 times worse and I was in tears it hurt so bad. Dan took me to the ER that night and they gave me a shot in the butt for pain and told me to see my family Dr. on Monday. So on Sunday when I woke up half my forehead was swollen and in so much more pain than the days before. Monday I woke up to my whole forehead looked like crap and it hurt so much worse. Dan and I went to the Dr. and they gave me an antibiotic and sent me home. Well on Tuesday I woke up and my right eye was swollen shut. I could not even move my eyelid. I looked horrible. I called the Dr. and told them what had happened and they said to get to their office right away and plan on going to the hospital. We (Dan and I) met my mom at the Doctors office and they said they think I had cellulitious in my face and would need to be admitted to the hospital for a few days and pumped full of antibiotics. So, we go to the hospital and I get checked in and a lab tech comes to get blood and said she had someone coming in ten minutes to get blood from my other arm. Ugh, I hate needles. After that was done the IV team came in and poked both hands before sticking a vein. They finally got it and all was fine and dandy. Wednesday came and the Dr. stopped in and said that he is pretty sure that I had shingles as well as a staff infection on my forehead but to be sure they had to run a few more tests. But just to be sure they were putting me on isolation. To visit me you had to put a gown and gloves on and stay three feet away. I felt like I had the black plague. I was the girl that people look at the big orange sign on the door and wonder what is wrong with her?!?! Also, Wednesday my IV decided to blow and the only option for me is to put a central line in me. They do this by ultrasound and ex ray. They go through your bicep and while watching the ultrasound guide a needle attached to a very long catheter (empties into your chest) to the vein. The X-ray tech tried my right arm first since I am left handed. Well as luck would have it that vein blew and would not take the needle so she had to put it in the left arm. Twice the pain, lovely. Thursday was pretty quiet and I got out on Friday, however I am not able to resume normal activity and by that I mean go in any public place until I am cleared by the Doctor. I plan on going tomorrow since I am bored out of my mind and have now been off work for a week.

I am very thankful for my husband and parents that sat by my bed and took care of me every possible second. I am also very thankful for those that visited, called, sent cards, flowers, balloons. I realize how lucky I am to have such great people in my life.

The Doctor better clear me tomorrow because tomorrow also starts sex-a-puloza and this is going to be our month!! (See I still am hopeful)

The Good The Bad and The Ugly

So I had my ultrasound and appointment today to see how I responded to the clomid this month. The good is that I did indeed ovulate for sure this month. Which is totally awesome. More good news is that I do not have to take the provera this month and I do not have to go in for 21 day blood work since they found a dosage that tells them if the clomid is working. The bad news is I have to wait it out. They did not do any blood work today to see if I am pregnant this month. The ugly of it all is I started spotting this morning. Now, so far it has been light and I am not sure if it is my period yet or just a little spotting. So again, I have to just wait it out. I scheduled my next ultrasound for October 2nd just in case this is my period but I still have the slightest bit of hope that I am just spotting a little. We will see.