Dreams

The past few nights have bombarded me with dreams. Dreams about babies and dreams that involved loved ones that have gone home already. Last night I dreamt we adopted a beautiful little girl from Columbia. We named her Sophie Ann Welms (our top girls name.) We got the call she was born and we went right away. Nobody knew that we were even going, it was left to be a wonderful surprise when we got home. This was by far the dream that I remember the most details. A few nights ago my friends Brad and Cole who both have passed away visited me in my dreams. The details are very fuzzy but they were there, in normal everyday settings. Like, we were at a garage party at a friends house. That is really all I remember. Other dreams I was pregnant, or close friends were pregnant. Really, these were all pleasant dreams. Unlike the past few months where I have been waking up in the middle of the night sobbing. Yes, at least once a week for the past few months I was having dreams that people were screaming at me telling me how worthless and selfish I am and that I didn't deserve to be around anymore. People that have been a part of my life, friends, my mom, my dad (who really this is pretty right on with a lot of real life conversations with him), Dan; people that their opinions mean something to me. I would wake up sobbing and wake Dan up in the process. I will take the past few nights of sleep over these dreams any day.

Well, it is CD 20, I go for blood work on Thursday and have my apt. next week. I am almost positive that I ovulated and I think it was over the weekend. It is going to be a long 2 week wait.

Blessings

Update

The past two nights I have gone back to the horrible dreams where I wake up in tears. Only, I am crying because I tried to kidnap infants in a stolen car and the parents followed suit and told me I don't deserve to be alive.